I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
