I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She announced her abortion via fbk
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
