You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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