Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
