I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
