$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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