It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
