You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Someone came in the potted fern
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
