brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
