We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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