You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
