oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
