You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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