She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
