I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
