I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just gargled with NyQuil
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
