We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize