He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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