I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize