Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
