I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
