Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
