Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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