I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
