I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
