i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Drunk is a universal language darling
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
