It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize