Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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