I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
