My friends, they love my intelligence
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
