By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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