Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
