Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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