does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
