i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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