oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I need to align my fucking chakras
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
