You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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