and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
