they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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