youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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