nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
