Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
