i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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