I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
