Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
