dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
