Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
