I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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