PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
