i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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