Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Randomize
