Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Your tits are I can't wait for
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
