So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize