Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
