chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
