Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
