..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
