I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
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