dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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