I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
