Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Randomize
