I feel like abortions should bother me more
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Found your dick twin last night
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
