its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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