doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
