I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
