well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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