Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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