i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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