this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
