Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
